Dear Alton Brown,
You have let me down. I hate to say it but it’s true. I have always loved your clever mix of science and culinary adventures. I love learning the history of carrots and the chemistry of preserves. I guess graham crackers just aren’t your thing though. I followed your recipe with as much accuracy as possible. Do you know how difficult it is to measure 3/8 oz of graham flour? It’s not easy. I diligently followed your instructions but things just weren’t adding up. When my dough should have been forming a ball, it was still a slushy paste. I gave in and added a bit more flour. Instead of getting closer to this ball of dough you promised, my food processor started to smoke. Moving on. Soon enough my apartment smelled of baking cinnamon and I thought all was not lost. Right as the timer went off I opened the oven to discover…
…my graham crackers burnt to a crisp. How could you lead me so astray? I put my faith in your exactness and I expect simple perfection in return. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is. Next time, I’ll trust my graham recipe needs to the vegan bloggers.